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Alcohol and Suicide
The War of Alcohol and Suicide was an NC war conducted on the NC Site. It occured between Pen and Glock, and was moderated by several people, but ultimately the moderation was made by Volcano, who decided to do a "Wane", which is the tactic of penalizing each side for missing the smallest details. Volcano had help from Rp during the moderation. Ironic, seeing as Pen refused Rp's moderation earlier. The moderation was a joke, but is still for all intents and purposes a legitimate moderation. Initial Sparks The war was a dispute over the Channel Islands, which Glock had recently taken over. Pen was bored, deciding to attack Glock's forces there. Glock was already severely stressed, and was quite annoyed. Pen Planning Pen used Signal Intelligence to locate Russian and Non-Russian Radar Sites that might alert Russia of his presence by the Channel Islands. Unfortunantely, he never specified exactly where he was looking for radar sites, so his forces looked for radar sites next to Venus. The blind spots in the Venusian detection system were located, which happened to be anywhere on Earth. Pen arranged a meeting of military commanders to decide how best to engage the Venusian detection system's radar installations. Due to the negligence of his military, Glock's commanders were invited to the meeting. They heard everything, and facepalmed. Opening Moves Pen's forces were to deploy MP-1s. Pen's MP-1s were not in serviceable conditions, and there was a bad fire in the hangar. Apparently Pen built flammable hangers, and left pyromaniacal staff in the hangars, causing the fire. His aircraft quickly crashed after lifting off, and those that didn't crashed worked against Equestria with his Offensive Counter Air Wing. Pen fired a barrage of Cruise Missiles, all of which had low range, and were made of ice. They promptly melted, and exploded over his launch sites, severely damaging them. Pen sent a naval formation armed with heavy weaponry. Sadly, the naval formation consisted of paddleboats. Suicide Support Pen sent AWACS planes connected to radar sites. Sadly, the connection was made of huge wires. His ASW helos locked on to his own aircraft due to the meaning of the acronym being, "Anti-Stupidity Weaponry". After firing on their own aircraft, the helos crashed into his fuel tankers, which happened to be filled with explosives. The resulting chain reaction took out one of Pen's Destroyers. Pen brought in AQUACKS support. AQUACKS consists of ducks with fancy equipment. The ducks spotted bread crumbs on Pen's ships, and flew down, accidentally destroying many of Pen's ships. Pen then set up a blockade, but never specified where, leading to his forces blockading Britain. He sent support to bombard enemy coastal defenses, but never defined, "Enemy". This led to the bombardment of his own coastal defenses. Pen then sent Amphibious Assault Ships to "Rock The Beachheads". The craft that made it held rock concerts on the Beaches. They held a weenie roast and even made smores. Pen then sent 5,000 Royal Marines, who were literally Aristocrats, leading to their own refusal to fight, as fighting was beneath them. Pen sent Medevacs, meaning that his forces were also playing Starcraft II. Pen's remaining escorted fighters were being escorted by very expensive flying Nimitzes. Ending Operations Pen's Submarins targeted Russian Fishing Vessels, and his Tankers were filled with high explosives. Civilians were defined as all Russians. As his forces were ordered to limit civilian casualties, all Russian Casualties were to be limited. Pen's Special Forces used Special Tactics, meaning that they cheesed on Starcraft II. Pen rallied Patriots, so he ended up rallying the New England Patriots, a football team. Pen never fueled some of his frigates and destroyers, so the ones that didn't crash into his explosives-laden tankers never made it out of port. Casualties Pen lost everything. Glock Vodka Glock began Operation Irish Vodka, where his troops made as much vodka as they could, leading to high rates of drunkeness, and alcoholic overdose in his troops. Glock's IRST tech was simply taxation papers from the IRS stuffed into everything, even the missiles. His AWACS were equipped with too many AA missiles to take off, and many of his vehicles were dropped into the ocean. Support Glock targeted Air Wings, meaning he targeted the wings of flying Sea Gulls with his AA. His other assets were ground based aircraft, and AA Batteries. Glock gave his forces MANPADS, which were clearly Wax Pads for men. Finally, he used ARM, which is clearly an Anti-Rolo missile, protecting his forces from candy-based weapons. Glock's civilians rioted back home, telling the Government, "Control+W!" Casualties Glock's forces took 90% deaths, and 10% mental incapacitation. End Result Glock kept the Channel Islands. Category:Troll Pages Category:NC Wars